Date of publication: 2017-08-23 10:28
A great essay is seamless, it's smooth, it's fluid it's like a country road that rolls over the hills and bends through the turns like the landscape has known nothing else. It feels effortless yet, it is anything but.
Normally, I would offer editing suggestions to show how things could be done better, but your essay is at 67,578 characters and spaces, so far over the CASPA 5555 limit that essentially it all needs to be rewritten. You could start by making the first paragraph just a few sentences long. When I interviewed Admissions Directors and faculty from across the country, all said they care less about the details of personal experiences (especially those that occurred at a age) and more about adult experiences, healthcare related if possible.
Colleges want to know how you have grown as a person through your own experiences and how they have changed you, and stating why such experiences were important to you aid in convincing admissions officers that their school could use more students like you.
You could cut quite a bit of the information about Francis — it takes over half the essay, and you’ll be able to make the same points with less information. I trust that you’ll be able to figure it out. Then you’ll have room to make your essay more PA-centric.
A three year old boy has severe sinusitis that has caused the eyelids of his right eye to swell and his fever to spike. His mother is beginning to worry because every specialist she has visited has not been able to alleviate her child’s symptoms. It has been three days and she is at another hospital waiting to see yet another specialist. While the mother is sitting in the waiting room a passing doctor takes notice of her son and exclaims to her, “I can help this boy.” After a brief examination, the doctor informs the mother that her son has an infected sinus. The boy’s sinus is drained and he is given antibiotics to treat the infection. The mother breathes a sigh of relief her son’s symptoms are finally mitigated.
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From an older sister caring for seven little sibling to an in-charge paramedic, my life has been full of unique experiences that have molded me into the healthcare provider I am today. I never thought I would seek to further my education past a baccalaureate level, after all, my higher education was supposed to prepare me for an inevitable role as a stay-at-home wife and mother. However, working as a paramedic and earning a degree Emergency Health Sciences has awoken a passion for medicine that drives me forward. As I work on the ambulance I am constantly plagued by my desire to do more for my patients. This insatiable desire to expand my knowledge in order to effectively help the ill and injured provides my motivation for becoming a physician assistant.
First, it’s wonderful what you did for your dad, and to have a positive outcome makes it all worthwhile. The lengthy details, however are unnecessary, especially the negative references to your siblings. This is certainly not the place to make those kinds of comments. Nor is it the place to talk about the need to challenge doctors and PAs in order to get better care for your father — the PA profession is what you’re hoping to enter. You don’t want it to sound as if you think they don’t do good work.